My Adventures in the Narutoverse
by Azami Wren
Summary: Alternate Title: The Reality of Azami Wren. When I happened upon a Top Ten Naruto characters list, I get pissed and decide to fix it. Here is how I did. This could be multiple chapters or just a one-shot depending on how many reviews I get. T for language. BASHING BASHING LOTS AND LOTS OF BASHING! Sort of a crack fic, but in later chapters it gets better. INFREQUENT UPDATES, SORRY!
1. I Disagree

AN: Okay, so this can either be a multiple chapters fanfiction or a one-shot depending of reviews. So if you like you have to review or I won't continue it~

**Warning: LOTS AND LOTS OF CUSSING! Just so you know.**

**Disclaimer: I clearly don't own Naruto because if I did I would have no need to post this on fanfiction.**

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><p>While sitting in my room on a Sunday at 12:06 AM, with my laptop I was surfing the internet when I came across an IGN snippet-post-thingy. It was a 'Top Ten Characters of Naruto'.<p>

"Why the heck not?" I thought and clicked on it. The summary was basically 'these are the top ten based of the characters character, personality and blah blah blah...'. Number ten is Iruka Umino, understandable. Number nine is Kabuto, I've always hated the bastard but some people like him. Eight is Lee, again understandable, Lee is one of my favorites so I was cool with it. Moving on, seven is Sasuke, I also hate this bastard because he was SUCH a whiney princess, 'I have to become stronger and finish the job my brother started while losing all the people who ever truly cared about me!' I mean come on Sasuke, pull Orochimaru's dick out of your ass and deal with your shit like a normal fucking person! Ahem… Six is Tsunade, which I didn't really get because she wasn't like… how do I put this…? I don't know she just doesn't seem like someone I'd put on Top Ten but that's just me. Number five is Itachi, I liked his character because he just loved his brother beyond anyone I know, I love my own sister but I don't think I'd be able to kill my whole family for her… Then again I didn't like him because he didn't think 'Hmmm…. What if doing this drives him insane…? Or worse, sends him flying to Orochi-pedophile?!' Still like him though. Number four is Pain/Pein/Nagato Uzumaki, I don't really have anything to say about this guy other than he isn't my favorite. Three was *Squeals!* Gaara, I love love love Gaara! He had such a shitty childhood yet was still a good person under all that insanity, plus I think he's cute, even when he was an unstable tanuki-panda. Second of Top Ten was…

"Naruto? But… He should be number one! Who the fuck's number one?!" I yelled out and clicked to the next one. Kakashi Hatake.

"NO! FUCK NO! FUCK ME NO! NOT KAKABAKA! THAT DEPRESSED LITTLE *(Extreme Censored)* CAN NOT BE NUMBER ONE! THAT TITLE GOES TO NARUTO UZUMAKI! NOT THE FAVORITE PICKING LAZY PERVERT!" I screamed pulling on my hair. Suddenly my cell phone rang. I blinked, then grabbed it, the caller ID said 'Imouto-chan' which was my little sister.

I hit the call button, "Hello?" I said.

"WHAT THE H-E- DOUBLE HOCKEY STICK IT WRONG WITH YOU?! IT'S LIKE ONE IN THE FLIPPING MORNING, GO TO BED!" She screamed at me through the phone then hung up.

Then I hear, "AZAMI! KATSUA! GO TO FUCKING BED!" My dad screams at us. Then all the house phones rang over the intercom.

"Hello?" I said.

"WHAT?!" My dad yells.

"Mom, do you know what time it is?" My sister asks.

"Why is everyone yelling?" She asks in a sleepy voice. See in my house, my dad has the master bedroom in one corner of the house, I'm in the same end of the house in the other corner, then a closet, then my sisters room and my mom sleeps in our basement turned her bedroom. I sighed.

"Sorry everyone… I had a nightmare about Kakabaka and- Hello. Hello?" I say as I hear the line go dead as everyone hangs up. My family doesn't like my anime and manga obsession and they think I'm a little nuts. Shrugging, I turn back to the problem at hand.

"I will not stand for this!" I think and walk over to my mini library filled with tons of manga. Pulling out one of my Naruto manga and flip to a random page. Using my super awesome magical powers, I pull myself into the Narutoverse. I'm suddenly in the middle of a training field, behind a tree which is the only thing between me and a semi-newly formed Team Seven. I chuckle evilly as I notice Kakabaka reading his damned little orange book. Let's just assume the reason he doesn't sense her is because I'm from the normal world, we don't have chakra. Using my awesome magical powers I teleport behind him and kick 'em hard in the ass.

"I disagree! You are not the number one fucking character! Number one goes to Naruto! Hell, Sakura's a better fucking character than you and she's a FANGIRL! A damn fangirl! Then again, at least she has character development! What do you have Hatake?! Other than a god-damn hard-on?!" I scream as Kakabaka leaps away from me.

"What the hell are you talking about?" He asks as he rubs his behind.

"And you!" I scream at Sakura, making her jump.

"W-what?" She asks, scared.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?! Why are you such a fucking fangirl?! I mean, Sasuke isn't even into girls! He's gay! He has to be! It would totally explain why he's never even looked at a girl!" I yell at Sakura, to which she starts crying. I turn on Sasuke.

"What the fuck is your problem?! Why do you have to kill your brother, ya want to finish the job or what?! You know the only person in this world who ever truly loved you is your brother but you're too damn stupid to see it!" I yell at him releasing a whole shit load of killing intent, making him freeze. Then I turn to Naruto, to which he flinches and hangs his head.

"Naruto-kun, you are the only good person in this team of idiots. I swear, you've gotta be my favorite character… Naruto, keep doing what you're doing and you will reach your dream. I will always have faith in you." I said with a smile. I know I'm showing favoritism, but I don't care! Naruto looks like he's about to cry manly tears of joy as he smiles really wide. I sigh a sigh of relief.

"I feel good now…" I think. Until I feel something cold and sharp on my throat.

"Who are you and how did you get here?" Kakabaka asks.

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><p>AN: So that's it. Please remember to review on your way out!<p>

_-_-_Azami_-_-_ Out!

Edit! So I decided that not enough people reviewed. I still think it's fricken hilarious, plus I have a fan that really likes this so if I ever get inspiration to continue this I will. But sorry!

-_-_-Azami Wren-_-_- Out!


	2. Tenzo

AN: So someone sent a review so here is the next chappie, yay. Anyways, I'm working on many little pretties so I'm busy. They just keep coming to me, can't help it. So it might be awhile before I update!

**Warning: Cursing, don't like don't read.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

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><p>Kakabaka held the kunai to my throat, like an ass, and demanded, "Who are you and how did you get here?" I growl.<p>

"Kakabaka, get the pointy thing outta ma face before I decide to shove it up your ass." I said, my left eyebrow twitching. Naruto and the brats just stare on in confusion.

"Your are not in the position to be making threats." He growled back. I pool my super awesome magical powers.

"Switch." I said simply. Kakabaka let out a confused sound, that is until he noticed that, like I said, our positions were switched with me with the kunai. It was actually very sad because, if you didn't count Kakabaka's hair, I was taller than him at exactly five foot, 11 inches. I was a girl, and still growing, he was a guy and done growing. Ouch...

"Ya know, I was half tempted to actually shove this up your ass… But, I decided I didn't want to traumatize Naruto-kun, so… Be thankful. Also, if you wanted to know the answers to those questions all you had to do was _ask,_ but _noooo._" I ranted. At that moment Duck-ass threw a kunai at me, but he was overconfident and was going for a powerful throw rather than an accurate one, therefore, it missed. I didn't even have to shift. So of course I laughed.

"Oh, Duck-ass, that was horrible," I said in between laughs, "Kakabaka, I'm going to give you your kunai back, and this time we're going to play nice. And I SWEAR if I see that DAMN orange book of yours, I'm gonna kick you again." I said and let Kakabaka go. Like a bat out of hell, he shot up and away from me, he didn't even take the kunai. I sighed.

"Fine, then I'm keeping it." I said as I put it in a space-time-dimension-thingy. Kakashi grumbled something, but I didn't care what it was.

"So to answer your question, the names Azami! And I hail from the freezing wasteland known as Alaska!" I say with a bow. Kakashi gives be a strange look.

"What's a Snow ninja doing here? We're on good terms with the Land of Snow." He said. I blink. _Oh._

"Did I say Snow? No, I didn't I said Alaska, I'm not a Snow ninja, I'm not a ninja at all! I'm!... A teenager." I said with a grin.

"Then how do you know ninja techniques?" He asks annoyedly.

"Those weren't ninja techniques Kakabaka, it was magic!" I said happily. He lets out a sound of annoyance.

"There's no such thing as magic." He spat. I give him a flat stare.

"Yeah, and I totally didn't just open a space-time-dimension-thingy, where I come from there's no such thing as chakra, but you have it." I said, trying to be polite, but failing miserably.

"Prove it." He growled. I sighed and rubbed the back of my head.

"I don't have a chakra system?" I said, making it sound like a question. Kakabaka scoffed and lifted his headband thingy.

"That so? Then a genjutsu should have no affect on you…" He said and I think he cast a genjutsu on me but nothing happened…

"Was… something supposed to happen?" I asked confusedly. Kakabaka's eyes widened in shock and he made a couple of hand signs but, again, nothing happened. I was getting annoyed with not knowing what was happening. Like really annoyed.

'Will you stop that?! It's annoying." I said as I felt four energies enter my 'zone'. My 'zone' encompasses about 200 feet in all directions from me, like a radar. The four energies were strong and moving fast, probably anbu. So that answers that question. I sighed.

"Yep, you're an ass Kakabaka, no changing it." I stated as I was suddenly surrounded by four anbu, Cat, Boar, Hawk, and Bat. I smiled, recognizing one of my favorite characters.

"Tenzo! So good to see you!" I screamed happily. Using my magic, I teleported right in front of him and glomped him.

"Kakabaka! See this guy? He belongs in the top ten! Not you. Get your shit straight." I lectured as the other anbu tried to pry me off of Tenzo/Yamato, who was having trouble breathing. I froze when I felt hands traveling to inappropriate places.

"OKAY, MOTHERFUCKER! NOT OKAY! I'M LIKE 13, GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY ASS!" I screamed and released another shit ton of killing intent straight to bat. Bat, the dumbass, whoever he is, shot back about ten feet in fear. I released Tenzo and stalked up to Bat, who had attempted to shunshin away but I had magic glued his ass to the ground. Once I was close enough I dispersed the magic glue and pick him up by his collar using magic strength.

"So, why did you touch my ass? Hmm? I WANT A FUCKING ANSWER!" I snarled. Tenzo and the other anbu moved to help their comrade so I put up a barrier. Bat, seeing that help wasn't coming started talking as calmly as possible. I could feel him struggling against the magic restraints I had put on him as he spoke.

"I did not realize where my hands were going, I apologize. Please put me down, you are in enough trouble as is." He stated. I scoffed at his unapologetic tone but Dropped him anyways.

After removing the restraints and barrier I attached myself to Tenzo and smiled, "Now! Take me to your leader! I have business to discuss with your hokage. It's of the utmost importance."

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><p>AN: This is for my friend tokyoghoul234! The only person to PM me about it! Only you tokyo, only you! Anyways, I'm not too sure about this chapter, I didn't a ton of inspiration for it, and I totally lost where I was going to go with this story, but I'll figure it out. So I hope you alls like it!<p>

-_-_-_Azami Wren_-_-_-


	3. Magic Lies

AN: Okay, so I'm just gonna say that if you don't like this fic, don't read it. I just got a review saying that 'this fic is awful.' I don't care that he said my fic was awful, I couldn't care less actually, but if you're not going to support me, don't comment. And by support me, I mean criticize or encourage. Encouraging can be anything from telling me to update to a three page long essay on how awesome I am. But if my story does suck then please do tell me about it, tell me the places I need to work on, and the things I need to fix, but if you're just gonna be a downer I'm going to be forced to tell you to go suck a dick. And if that makes me a bitch then fine, I'm a bitch. Also, if you can't tell this is a sort of crack fic then that's your fault. To everyone who has been supporting me, this extra update is for you.

**Warning: Cursing and stuff.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

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><p>"So, you say your name is Azami… how old are you and where did you say you were from again?" Hiruzen asked me. After the behind touching incident I had willingly walked to the hokage's office surrounded by a squad of anbu. Tenzo had kept a good distance between himself and me the whole way. Understandable, I get scary when around my beloved anime characters. One time I was at a anime convention and I saw this lady dressed as Erza and, well, I followed her around till they kicked me out… I'm not crazy though, just overwhelming. Anyways, Naruto and his team came along for God knows what. So here I am, being questioned by the hokage, smiling.<p>

"I'm 15 and Alaska." I said. He frowned.

"I've never heard of this Alaska…" He said, confused. I shifted a little, making the anbu, specifically Tenzo stiffen.

"I don't expect you to have. I'm not from anywhere near here." I said. Kakabaka coughed and stepped forward.

"Hokage, sir, she doesn't have a chakra system." He said. The hokage's eyes widened and he turned his attention back to a grinning me.

"Boar." He said. Must be a Hyuuga, then. Boar turned his gaze to me.

"Byakugan." Yep, Hyuuga.

'Wonder if I can help Hinata with her confidence issue.' I thought.

"Hokage-sama, she doesn't have a chakra system…" Boar said with a hint of shock in his voice.

"That's impossible! How?! You can't live without chakra." Sakura said, entering the conversation.

"That's true, care to explain, Miss Azami?" The hokage asked me. I grinned.

"Of course. See, I'm not from this reality. I was born in a place where chakra is barely a concept, not a lot of people even know about it and those who do… Well, let's just say chakra is not a thing that you need to survive in my world." I said. Everyone just stared at me for a while.

"The truth, Miss Azami." The hokage said in an unfriendly tone, so very different than the one he was using before. I huffed.

"That was the truth, if you don't want to believe it, that's your fault." I said. I heard the sound of a sword being drawn and felt something sharp against my throat once again.

"The truth." Tenzo said. I growled and let some of my pent up magic slip through to show a furious red aura snapping and shifting around me.

"See this? It's magic. I don't have chakra, I have magic. I'm not from this world, Believe it or don't, your choice. I don't care, but get the damn sword out of my face!" I yelled.

"Cat." Hiruzen said and Tenzo retreated. I inhaled then puffed out the breath.

"Do that again, and you won't be a favorite anymore." I warned.

"Favorite?" Hiruzen asked. I nodded.

"Yes, favorite. I cheer on my favorites through their lives, I watch a lot of... realities, in fact I finished watching this one as far as it was relevant. Up until Naruto is about...19? I think it was 20… Naruto you are also a favorite." I added.

"You're saying you know the future?" Hiruzen asked cautiously.

"Yeah." I said nonchalantly. At that moment I felt an energy leave, and at quite the pace. I raised an eyebrow.

"Yo, Sarutobi. Did you just send and anbu somewhere?" I asked.

"How dare you speak to the hokage lik-"

"Shut up! Did you?!" I asked. The Hiruzen looked confused for a moment, but then it disappeared.

"No." He said. I sighed.  
>"Then your 'friend' Danzou is about to learn about me. Did you know that he's been running ROOT behind your back?" I asked as I cleaned my nails. Hiruzen looked shocked.<p>

"I thought you said you didn't have chakra, if you don't have chakra how can you feel others chakra?" He asked and he made hand signs to the anbu in the shadows and ten anbu left to pursue the ROOT agent.

"I don't and I didn't. If I could feel his chakra surely you could. No, I simply felt his life energy." I said.

"How do you know about ROOT?" He asked. I sighed.

"I thought we already went over this. I know the future, of course I'm gonna know about the past." I said exasperatedly, "Also, Inoichi can't get in my head, cause I don't have any chakra~" I stated in a sing-songy voice. Hiruzen sighed.

"Of course. But tell me, you have invaluable information, what are you going to do with it?" He asked me. I froze. What was I going to do with it? I could, theoretically join Akatsuki and help them take over the world… or help Naruto and the Hidden Villages protect the world…

"Good question… what to do, what to do?" I sighed in thought. Hiruzen tensed and killing intent started emanating from him. I could feel Naruto and his team freeze in fear, I however, was unaffected and started laughing.

"Hahaha! Oh, you're so easy to mess with. I'm going to help you all protect the world, of course!" I said giggling, "Oh, I do have a few requirements that must be met, though." I said. The hokage and everyone else relaxed.

"Man, gramps is really scary sometimes." Naruto muttered. His team nodded their agreement.

"What requirements?" Hiruzen asked. I grinned, using my magic I created a sound proof dome around us, making the entire room go into panic mode.

"Are you for real?!" I asked as three anbu were on me, in the famous words of my father, like stink on shit.

"What did you do?" Tenzo asked threateningly. I growled, feeling the cold sharpness of yet another kunai on my neck.

"You assholes really want me to shove them up your ass, don't you? I did nothing! It's a sound barrier! Get this fucker OFF ME!" I screamed, pushing magic out of my body at an unnatural speed. The anbu were shoved off me and across the room, while the other occupants were thrown off balance.

"That's it! Sorry Kanade, but I'm gonna have to rip you off!" I said as I concentrated, "God Skill: Distortion, Version Two: Blade Repellent." I said as an invisible shield formed around my body. I turned to everyone in the room.

"I'm a nice person. But the next person to shove a blade in my face will find it up their ass, I don't care if Naruto's in the room. Tenzo, you now in my unfavorite list, work hard to get back on my favorites list." I said and threw up and impenetrable shield up. I let out a breath I hadn't realized I had brought in.

"Now where were we? Ah, yes, conditions. I require three things. The first is to be placed on Team Seven, the second is to retain my privacy, and the third is I require your assistance when I ask for it. Clear?" I asked. Hiruzen stared at me for a while before sighing and nodding.

"Very well, Miss Azami-"

"Just Azami is fine." I corrected. Hiruzen nodded as he smoked his pipe.

"Very well, Azami, I agree to your conditions, you can drop the barrier now." He said. I smiled and with a wave of my hand the shield fell away. Everyone focus was on me and the hokage.

"Kakashi, Azami will be placed on your team from now on, and she will be living with…" He started but then glanced at me for a suggestion.

"Anyone but Kakabaka, Duck-ass, or Fangirl." I said with a shrug. Hiruzen sighed.

"Then that leaves Cat and Naruto. Pick one." He said.

The decision was mine.

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><p>AN: Okay, so I want suggestions for who Azami will be living with. Review for your input. Simply write 'Naruto' or 'CatTenzo/Yamato'. Thanks. Anyways this chapter is for my friends tokyoghoul234 and kkkitties. Enjoy. Only for you tokyo, only you!


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